


When Summer Ends

by yikeslikenikes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, Love Confessions, Loving boyfriends, M/M, Summer, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 15:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18501487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikeslikenikes/pseuds/yikeslikenikes
Summary: And maybe growing up knowing that Kihyun would leave soon— always soon, never tomorrow or today, always some nebulous unknown span of time in which they’d try to squeeze out the last bits of joy of the warm sun on their skin and clementine juice on their chins— has left Changkyun restless now. Even as Kihyun pulled him closer. Even as Kihyun brushed his lips across his cheek and promised forever.





	When Summer Ends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [changkirise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/changkirise/gifts).



> Just a short something I wrote for a friend on their birthday.

There’s something about Kihyun that feels like the end of summer. So very sweet and wonderful and beautiful with that looming sense that this will all come to an end very soon. His hand is warm in Changkyun’s, and his grip is light like he’s just about to slip away. Changkyun doesn’t squeeze him closer because he doesn’t want to be a burden. Holding Kihyun back has always been the last thing Changkyun ever wanted, but he can’t shake the feeling that he will.

Maybe Kihyun is summer personified because of their childhood. They were neighbors their entire lives but strangers for most of the year. Kihyun went to some fancy boarding school far away and only came back for the summers where he was tentative in making friends with the neighborhood kids, worried that he would never quite fit.

But that’s the thing about summer. It’s always welcome.

They were all running through the forests and jumping into lakes and being inseparable from sun up until when the streetlights came on because everyone’s mothers had the same curfew. They’d pick a different porch each day and sit on the stairs and eat clementines and laugh and laugh and laugh until summer ended, and Kihyun had to leave for that school that none of them ever really learned the name of because someone called it St. Whatever-the-heck’s once, and Kihyun didn’t protest.

And maybe growing up knowing that Kihyun would leave soon— always soon, never tomorrow or today, always some nebulous unknown span of time in which they’d try to squeeze out the last bits of joy of the warm sun on their skin and clementine juice on their chins— has left Changkyun restless now. Even as Kihyun pulled him closer. Even as Kihyun brushed his lips across his cheek and promised forever.

 

Changkyun always sleeps wrapped around him like he’s afraid he’ll be gone in the morning. Kihyun finds it cute. Even in the midst of a heat wave when they kick the blankets across the room because even looking at them raises their temperature, and their fan’s pointed at them running full-blast like the world might end soon, Kihyun will still pull Changkyun close, and Changkyun will pretend to complain and refuse because _it’s too fucking hot, I’m too fucking sweaty_ , but he’ll wrap around Kihyun nonetheless.

But maybe Changkyun gets too far into his own head.

He knows he does whenever he realizes that Kihyun is looking at him, small smile on his face, head tilted to the side, and he asks, “What’re you thinking about?”

Changkyun scrunches his nose up and smiles and says, “You.”

And Kihyun always laughs and rolls his eyes and kisses him even though Changkyun knows he doesn’t quite believe him. But there isn’t much else to think about. Not for Changkyun. There’s work and school, but Changkyun never needed to expend much brain energy on those. Kihyun, though? Kihyun is nuclear physics disguised as addition, and Changkyun is determined to solve the biggest question of all: how do I make this last forever?

_What’re you thinking about?_

_You._

 

It was when they were older that Changkyun realized he had feelings for Kihyun. The summer after high school graduation because Changkyun counts his life in summers with Kihyun instead of school years. They could stay out as late as they wanted as long as they told their mothers, and freedom tasted like lemonade and lake water and burgers from that diner down the road that they practically lived in. They were all going to scatter to the winds soon, _always soon_ , so they spent all the time together they could. Kihyun announced he was going to a state school, and Changkyun was going to the rival school only an hour away, and they joked about being mortal enemies now, but Changkyun only felt his stomach clench up every time Kihyun grinned at him.

It was near the end of summer when everything is so hot it sticks, so hot the only words you can form are all liquids. Water. Pool. Lake. Lemonade. That’s how they always ended up lounging around Kihyun’s parent’s pool late into the night whenever his parents were gone.

It was hot even with the moon high in the sky, and Changkyun held onto the diving board at the opposite end of the pool and just watched everyone play because he liked moments like this when no one cared, no one had shame, and everyone was just happy as they splashed at each other.

“You okay?” Kihyun asked, pulling Changkyun out of his own head.

“Yeah. Just like to watch sometimes,” Changkyun replied. Kihyun hummed in response.

“You know, if you ever need anything, I’ll only be an hour away,” Kihyun said softly.

Changkyun blinked the pool water out of his eyes and turned to look at Kihyun in the little space beneath the diving board and above the water. They were like mirrors, holding onto the board and kicking idly as they looked at each other, tried to keep afloat.

“Thanks, Ki.”

“I mean it. I’m not only your friend during the summer, you know?”

Changkyun smiled because he liked this promise. “I know.”

Kihyun cleared his throat and looked away, and they both watched their friends play around at the other end of the pool. There’s a quiet that settled around them, moon high in the sky, suspended but holding on, understanding but not. And Changkyun thought that he could be happy just like this forever. Just friends living in a perpetual state of summer.

But he also thought that he could be happy if they were more. And he thought about the way Kihyun looked at him a few seconds longer than he looked at everyone else, and how Kihyun always held onto him the longest whenever they hugged goodbye, and how Kihyun was kinda touchy with everyone but he leaned on Changkyun the most. And maybe Kihyun was thinking the same thing that Changkyun had been thinking all summer.

He didn’t want this to end. He didn’t want to be just friends. He didn’t want to go to the rival state school and pretend to be fine with seeing each other maybe once a month if they actually tried.

So Changkyun shifted to hold on to the diving board with both hands, turning all the way toward Kihyun, and Kihyun looked at him with a question in his eyes.

“Hey, Ki?” Changkyun breathed out.

“Yeah?”

And Changkyun had never been one to be terrified of his own feelings. He had a whole summer to understand them. And even under the weird shadow of the diving board and the mix of yellow light coming from the house and almost blue moonlight across Kihyun’s skin, Changkyun thought he looked beautiful.

“I really like you, Kihyun. More than...just this.”

And Kihyun took a deep breath, bobbed in the water a bit, but he didn’t look away. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I like you, too. More than just this.”

And they both didn’t know what to do then. But they knew everything had changed as they smiled at each other and laughed.

That night when they piled into Kihyun’s living room for what had to be the billionth time in their lives, two air mattresses pushed together on the floor, and someone on each piece of furniture, Changkyun fell asleep with his head on Kihyun’s chest, and Kihyun’s arm around his shoulder, and they had done that a million times, but it was the first time all over again.

 

Now they live together, and it’s like having a piece of summer in his home, but that feeling of soon, _always soon_ , looms over Changkyun’s head like a balloon about to pop. It had been years, and there it still was.

“You know that John Green quote? About falling in love how you fall asleep?” Kihyun asks as he stares at their pan of scrambled eggs, hair still messy, spatula in hand. Changkyun smiles at him even though Kihyun isn’t looking.

“Slowly and then all at once?” Changkyun answers because of course he knows the quote.

Kihyun licks his lips and grins as he turns to him. “That’s exactly how scrambled eggs cook. Slowly and then all at once.”

Changkyun groans between giggles because it really is so lame, but it’s Kihyun and love makes everything soft and funny, even in the mornings.

And as they dig into their breakfast, Kihyun standing hunched over the counter, Changkyun sitting next to him, Changkyun already knows that scrambled eggs will start to remind him of John Green and Kihyun with messy hair and a grin.

 

That summer ended long ago, but Changkyun’s feelings didn’t. Fall was a spring in his heart. They would switch weekends every weekend, one at his school, and one at Changkyun’s, and nothing was better than that first embrace on Friday when they would squeeze each other tight like it had been years instead of a week.

Changkyun had never been in love before, but he was sure about this. What else could it be? The smile that broke out as soon as he saw Kihyun. The way his heart quickened when Kihyun would laugh. The way he missed him even when he was just down the hall. Changkyun would cover his face with Kihyun’s pillow and squeal and kick out his feelings before he got back because he didn’t want to be embarrassing in front of him.

And even with all of that, Changkyun didn’t say it first.

They went to an apple orchard one day, bundled up with scarves and coats as they walked around and picked a few apples to take with them. They sat down under a tree with big green ones, and Changkyun plucked one down and took a bite out of it, and it tasted so fresh and wonderful that he moaned and closed his eyes, and Kihyun laughed and knocked his head against Changkyun’s shoulder and said it.

“I love you.”

Changkyun’s breath caught, and the wind stopped rustling through the leaves, and he could only hear his own heartbeat and the way Kihyun had said it echoing in his mind.

“W-What?”

Kihyun looked up at him and smiled, taking the apple from his hand. “I love you.” Bit down on the apple and closed his eyes and chewed.

Changkyun huffed out a breath and smiled. “I love you, too. Enough to let you eat my apple.”

And Kihyun laughed and nothing had ever sounded sweeter.

 

“What’re you thinking about?” Kihyun asks. It’s after dinner, and Changkyun is doing the dishes, and he knows he probably has that glossy look in his eyes that makes Kihyun ask.

Changkyun shakes his hands before wiping them on the kitchen towel and looks up across the counter to Kihyun. He’s beautiful like always, chin cupped gently in his hand, eyes sparkling a bit, and lips quirked up into a little smile.

“Remember that apple orchard?” Changkyun asks.

Kihyun smile brightens. Sun coming out from behind clouds. “Of course.”

“We should go again soon.” _Always soon_.

“Hm. Sounds fun. Wanna go next weekend? It’s only like half an hour away,” Kihyun asks.

Changkyun nods. “Yeah. Works for me.”

“Cool. Why were you thinking about that?”

Changkyun smiles and reaches over the sink and the counter and takes Kihyun’s face in his hands. “Because I was thinking about you.”

Kihyun scoffs, but his face flushes, and he waves off Changkyun’s hands a little too quickly to be convincing. So Changkyun walks around the counter and grabs his face again and kisses him, and this time Kihyun doesn’t try to wave him off.

 

“You’re too good for me,” Changkyun said one day, head in Kihyun’s lap as they soaked up the summer sun next to the lake.

Kihyun blinked down at him. “What are you talking about?”

And maybe that was the first time that it felt like it wouldn’t be permanent. Like this summer would leave, and Kihyun would leave too. Changkyun was good, but he was always afraid he didn’t measure up. He had spring flowers in his chest, but what was that compared to the entirety of summer?

“I don’t know. I’m just. Thinking out loud.”

“Well, don’t think like that,” Kihyun said softly before he ran his fingers through Changkyun’s hair. Changkyun closed his eyes.

“I think I love you too much sometimes. Love you more than you love me.”

“That’s impossible,” Kihyun mumbled.

Changkyun opened one eye and looked up at Kihyun, silhouetted by the sun itself. He was frowning down at Changkyun, fingers tangled in his hair gently.

“What do you mean?”

Kihyun sighed a bit. “Changkyun, I love you so much. It hurts that you think somehow it isn’t enough.”

Changkyun sat up and looked at Kihyun. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

Kihyun grabbed the back of Changkyun’s head and pulled him close, their foreheads bumping together. “I love you. Don’t doubt that, yeah?”

And Changkyun smiled and nodded before he kissed Kihyun. Summer had never been warmer.

 

Kihyun’s hand is warm in Changkyun’s as they walk around the apple orchard. It was like they remembered, except the prices are higher, but their income is higher now, too, so it’s fine. Kihyun holds the basket they gave them, but neither of them is really picking anything, just wandering around and breathing in the cool air.

“Maybe we should find some of those green ones you liked,” Kihyun says as he glances around.

“Sure,” Changkyun replies.

“God, who knows if they still have them. That was what? Five years ago now?”

“Give or take a few weeks,” Changkyun says with a smile.

Kihyun hums and squeezes Changkyun’s hand in his for a moment before letting go to walk ahead toward a tree with yellow apples. Changkyun feels his palm slide out of his grasp but doesn’t try to stop him. He slows down and watches Kihyun reach up and squeeze an apple gently before twisting it off its stem and putting it in the basket.

Changkyun loves his little piece of summer even if he worries about it leaving sometimes. Even if summer always comes to an end. And when Kihyun turns back to look at him and smiles, there’s no star in the sky, no sun in any galaxy that could seem brighter than Kihyun’s smiling face. Changkyun smiles back and walks over and kisses Kihyun’s cheek.

“I love you,” he says.

And Kihyun smiles and says, “I love you, too.”

When Kihyun shoves the basket in Changkyun’s hands, he looks down at its contents for a moment before clearing his throat and taking a step back. Changkyun scrunches his face up and looks down at the basket.

There it is. One yellow apple. And one box.

Changkyun blinks and looks back up at Kihyun, face scrunching up, confused. “Ki?”

Kihyun clears his throat again and nods toward the basket, smile still on his lips, and Changkyun wishes his hand wasn’t shaking so much when he reaches in and grabs the box. It’s blue and velvet and fits in the palm of his hand and when he opens it there’s a ring.

Changkyun looks back up, and Kihyun is on his knee, and he’s biting his lip like he’s actually nervous. Changkyun drops the basket on the ground, but he’s holding the box to his chest so tight his knuckles turn white.

“Changkyun, I love you so much. We’ve been so happy together all these years, and I know we’ll be together for a long time, but I want it to be official. I want my forever to be official.”

Changkyun thinks of the sun beating down on their bare skin and the juice of clementines running down their chins and the space between the diving board and the water.

Of summer and Kihyun and _soon, always soon_.

But soon never came, and Kihyun is on one knee, and he’s smiling up at Changkyun, and he had said that it’s impossible for Changkyun to love him more than he loved Changkyun, but Changkyun loves him so much it hurts.

And in all the whirling thoughts of everything, Changkyun can’t speak, really. His lip wobbles and his tongue isn’t cooperating, and everything is too bright with the sun and the leaves and Kihyun’s smile.

“Changkyun, please let me be with you forever. Please marry me.”

And Changkyun sniffs once, twice, and he reaches out, and Kihyun’s hand is in his, and he says the only thing that matters.

“Yes.”

And his little piece of summer shines brighter than ever before as he hops up and grabs his face and kisses him.

Summer isn’t permanent. It dies down and becomes fall, cools to winter, melts to spring before blazing back up again.

Summer isn’t forever, but Kihyun isn’t just the summer. Kihyun isn’t only here for a season even if it felt like that when they were younger.

When summer ends, Kihyun is right there, kissing him, telling him he loves him. He’s clementines and lake water and scrambled eggs cooking like you fall asleep and John Green quotes and scrunched up faces and heat waves and cold fronts and smiles brighter than the sun and warm palms against Changkyun’s skin.

When Kihyun pulls away and presses his forehead against Changkyun’s, he kisses his nose.

“What’re you thinking about?” Kihyun asks softly.

And Changkyun laughs.

“You. It’s always you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this cute little story!   
> Kudos and comments appreciated as always.  
> Hit me up if you want:  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/yikeslike)  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/yikeslike)


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